It’s hard to believe that in a few short months it will have been a year since I decided to leave school in Hong Kong and move back to New York City.
It’s hard to believe several things at the moment to be completely truthful.
Every day seems to be payday, every week seems to go by so fast. Life moves fast. This is not something new to me but it is a daily reminder that once one month ends, another begins, and with a blink of the eyes - the seasons have changed. I have accomplished nothing since my return and I solely blame myself for allowing certain situations to play out.
I believe in part that I have changed a great deal but the city in which I used to love to come home to, is no longer. Things have changed.
I live in a neighborhood in which I do not like (so, move..right?)
Friends have moved away, others I have not stayed in contact with, others I have left sail to new horizons.
The job that I wake to every day is not me, it doesn’t fit. The people I work with..it doesn’t fit.
Sometimes I think, well, maybe just pick up and move back downtown, pick up that phone, and drop that job. I am not sure if that is going to be the fix of it all. At my core I feel like my time is not here and I just need to move on from it. There is nothing here any longer, holding me, calling me. I recall returning from a vacation or road trip, smiling, excited to come back to the city. I don’t get those feelings anymore..not even remotely.
When I was living in Washington and was about to move to NYC I had my then boss tell me ‘New York is amazing….Everyone should live there at least once in their life.’ Well, I have and I am ready to step out of my monotonous routine that is leading me to some very dark places.